Having a hobby can be a therapeutic way to escape the societal norms life throws at you. From the peaceful fishing trips to the Lego builds in the back bedroom, hobbies can help with relaxation and refreshing your mind. We all know someone who takes hobbies to the next level, often through over collecting or pushing it on anyone they meet. But have you ever been so fixated upon a hobby that you can immerse yourself for weeks into the hobby like nothing else exists? Until the next thing pulls you in a new direction? This is a common thing for the neurodiverse. Let me explain.
This is my pond set up (lets not talk about what’s in that giant shed behind). There are two ponds in total containing over 12,000 litres of water. Inside there are various different species of cold water fish including Koi, Shubunkins, Tench, and others. I also currently have five fish tanks around my home holding in excess of 2000 litres of water and various different tropical fish from Oscars to dwarf puffers. At the pinnacle of my fixation I had 9 tanks, each continent and specie specific. This started after I purchased a 100 litre tank and filled it with random fish. (I had owned many tanks before but due to constantly moving home I never got chance to keep them going). I then spent weeks watching copious YouTube videos on tanks, set ups, fish, you name it I watched it. I subscribed to every big fish keeper pages, learnt about habitats, water quality and all nature of feeding. Quickly one tank turned to two, to five and eventually to nine and two ponds with three more tanks ready to set up. The only reason I shrunk my tanks is due to my house needing building work. This is just a long line of hobbies I have taken on over my lifetime. Although not a cheep hobby, it is definitely not one of my most expensive ones.
As hobbies go, I have had fixations on things from motorcycles to crafting and anything in-between. At one point I had a large collection of vehicles all overtaking my home and street due to my fixation on fixing and adapting them. It got to a point that I even went into business with a friend doing just that. That quickly fizzled away when I realised that tinkering with vehicles is a lot more fun when I am able to do it in my own time rather than to a level of expectation. Luckily I was able to bow out of that easy. On another occasion I had a fixation on pushbike repair and building. At the pinnacle of that obsession I had in excess of 20 bicycles taking space up in my garden. I have large collections of all sorts of random stuff. My latest hobby fixation is theme parks. When I am not watching various Vloggers on YouTube and other social media sites, I am dragging the Mrs and young’un to various parks around the country.
I have had a fixation on theme parks for as long as I can remember. The adrenalin felt when flying round the scariest rollercoasters available is an amazing replacement for my desire to self harm or do stupid stuff. My fear of people and crowded places however superseded my thrill seeking desires. That was until I realised that I can avoid most of the queues which would usually see me lashing out and running away to hide, with the help of a Nimbus access card and the relevant theme park equivalents. Given the chance I would be at the parks every day as this has opened up a whole new world for me, however, my complications mean I have to have someone with me when out in social situations. While I can work through the drainage caused by the parks, the Mrs can not. Especially considering Alton Towers is our local park (I am a Merlin Annual Pass holder), and without the skyride, you can easily cover 20,000 steps a visit. So we are only able to visit as and when the Mrs is up for it. Theme parks are not the only fixation currently taking over. Vlogging, videoing and podcasts in general are something I have a keen interest in.
In my collection I have enough video, photography and recording equipment to kit out most mid level vloggers and photographers. Even having various computer set ups to allow for free editing with the greatest of editing software, I have everything I need to start vlogging and recording podcasts. The problem is, I am afraid of people. I have held a long desire to vlog what is it like living life with the catalogue of mental health complications. As much as I can happily sit in front of a camera in my car or when I am alone, I struggle to do it out in public. Just as much as I try not to push and publish myself due to fears of people recognising me in the street (Content for another future blog). My inability to talk to people means I will quickly become overwhelmed should someone approach me out in the wild. Another struggle I came across when making videos was editing. I would over compensate on editing to make sure it is 100% right. This would take a full day alone. I am fully aware there are platforms out there I can easily create and post videos but my fear of disappointing others means I try not to upset anyone with my videos and posts. Overall these are problems I know I need to overcome in order to do what I really want to do. There are a few other issues which I won’t cover here as I am already digressing enough, however hopefully one day I can use my fixations to the advantage of myself and as many others as I can. While “hobbies” are the biggest fixation, my fixations also seep into general planning and daily events. Lets take holidays for example.
I am a nightmare when booking holidays, I am fully aware of that. I hate booking them far in advance, instead I prefer to build the money up and book as close to the time as possible. I do this for many reasons. Partially it is due to me liking to live in the here and now. I will plan to go on holiday, when it will be and for how long. But when it comes to booking it, I fear the worst, so I like the knowledge that there is very little time for things to change or go wrong. Another reason is down to my mental health. I have no idea how I will feel at the time and I don’t want to be booking a trip when I am in a bad place. Not only will it spoil the holiday but it will make traveling a lot harder than it needs to be. The biggest issue with booking holidays earlier is my fixation upon the location and hotels. I will constantly scour Vlogs/Blogs/review sites etc; looking for changes in reviews or drops in quality. Should I see negative reviews I will beat myself up, expressing the fear that I have destroyed the whole holiday by booking the wrong place, causing me to ruminate on this until we arrive. I will be so drained by the time I get there, I will not enjoy the holiday. The Mrs hates this about me. She is constantly mithering to book holidays in advance, but instead of understanding why I am like this, she will happily tell me how stupid I am and point out how “we are not going on holiday”, or “there will be nothing available”. I wouldn’t mind if I had let her down before but I don’t think I have so far. I get why she is like that but I won’t lie, it isn’t easy. But once again I digress so lets wrap this up.
Overall hyperfixations and obsessive behaviours are part of my makeup and unfortunately are here to stay. While I do try to overcome these problematic issues, I don’t know of any magic trick that will eradicate them completely. They definitely come under the “neurospicy” umbrella.
On a different note, if anyone has any tips to overcome my fears or to start a vlogging journey, please feel free to contact me on my Contact page or come find me on social media. I may not be a people person but I welcome constructive and assistive advice.
Stevie.