Originally posted 26 June 2017 via Blogger. Copied over like for like 18/03/2024
Call me day, call me night, call me any name you’d like but I’d be grateful if you would call me Steve.
I know what you’re thinking, oh no not another boring bland blog (say it three times fast) about living with depression. I assure you I will try my hardest not to be boring or bland however I can’t promise that I won’t try to be funny…..ish…..
So why a blog I hear none of you say or why now no one is shouting!!
I’ve lived with mental health issues for as long as I can remember, but I have only recently been diagnosed with PTSD. Whilst sitting on a chair across a table from my key worker in Meadowbrook Mental Heath Centre Salford Royal, out comes the phrase, ” you’re suffering from PTSD” for the third time that month. Surely that is for Soldiers I hear my partner say to the key worker through the hazy sounds running around my head. “Not at all” I think he replied…….”anyone who has had a traumatic experience can suffer from PTSD”……….. I have no idea what was said after that as I phased out for yet another flashback, finally coming back round with my worker looking at me and asking “is that okay with you?” Turns out he was increasing my medication for the third time since coming under his care.
Three months later I’m lay on a bed in Wythenshawe Hospital, waking up after having surgery on my wrist which unfortunately went through a glass window the week before. Still dazed and confused from the knockout gas they gave me 6 hours earlier (which they lied to me about I might add!!!!, “this is just air” my arse), I see a nurse hovering over me telling me how glad they are that I am awake as they struggled to wake me after my operation and how worried my partner was. Not acknowledging what was being said I got dressed as quick as I could and escaping as soon as I was allowed. With a big bandage on my arm and a very spongy sling over my neck which I still have no recollection of them giving me…… I walked quickly to the car park via the very expensive parking payment meter (£10), jumped into my car and sat there for five minutes before setting off for home, via the sisters house of course. I know I know, I’m not supposed to be driving with a bad wrist or after the knock out gas but what an I say?….. It’s a man thing.
A week later I’m back at Wythenshawe hospital sitting in a room waiting for the nurse to come in and take off the bandages. Funny story about the nurse…. on my letter from the hospital it read “Nurse lead appointment”, my partner thought that the nurse was called Nurse Lead, I didn’t want to correct her but I thought it was for the best………. Anyway, the nurse arrives but quickly runs back out because she needed to talk to the Physio doctor first. When she finally returned she started taking off the bandages whilst telling us what damage I had done. Having removed three shards of glass I had missed they then proceeded to attempt to repair the 30% of my tendon that had cut, the two nerves that were cut and the two veins that had been sliced. Apparently it was more than ‘just a scratch’, which is what I keep calling it. She then goes on to explain how I was struggling to breath and that they struggled to wake me after the operation. I didn’t think nothing of it but apparently it’s a big thing. Eventually I was wrapped back up, handed instructions on hand injuries, told to contact my doctor regarding the above and t return again in 3 weeks to see the “hand” doctor. It was at this point I joked as I have done for many years now “I should write a book about my life but it would end up in the fiction section it is that unbelievable..”
That night I lay in bed looking at the ceiling as I do most nights and started thinking about the idea of writing a book. “What did I know about writing a book” I was saying to myself whilst the sound of Dave Lister teaching Cyrton to lie was echoing in the background. With Rimmer talking about his blog I thought……. what a good idea……. I like to ramble on with myself and constantly digress from one subject to another…….. What better place than a blog. So here I am. It’s my first real blog so there will be teething problems but lets be honest, there any many people out there who are more than willing to correct me so sod it….. lets do it..
What to expect from my blog
As my life has been nothing more than a roller coaster ride with far more downs than ups I imagine there will be a lot to talk about. I do plan on doing this starting from childhood and working my way to today over the next few weeks however chances are there will be some off topic blogs, some ranting blogs, some blogs about my gaming habits and possibly some random blogs to mix it up. I also imagine i will digress rather quickly in my blogs so they won’t always be on topic.
It may also be worth noting that some incidents from my past and some current events may be a little candid or lacking information. This is due to ongoing police investigations and will be disclosed once allowed.
No longer am I hiding behind the “i’m fine” statement or the unspoken events of our lives. I’ve hidden for far too long and it almost killed me so many times I run out of fingers. It’s time to know the real me.
Hope I don’t disappoint.
Stevie and the scratch
